New Mommy Survival List (Baby Edition)

So, you're preggo! Congrats! Let's go register!! I was super excited to get that fun little registry gun and roam the aisles of the baby superstore. Until I actually got in the store and I walked down the first aisle and saw the 50+ different brands of baby stuff I had never heard of. It was very different than Wedding Registry, because you know you'll need a toaster and silverware and you can basically just pick whatever you want and it'll be fine. But figuring out what brand you should get for the carseat... a little more daunting. (In my experience, we picked Graco because it's a well known brand with an awesome warranty.)

So, here's my top 9 list of things you'll want to use those gift cards on if nobody gets them off your registry! Of course every mom is different, and every baby is different, but here's the things that saved me!


1. Swaddle- We found that the zipper swaddles did not work as well, because she could work her arms up and get her hand out the top! The velcro ones are awesome, but you'll want a few different sizes because they grow out of them fast!

2. White Noise Machine- There's a lot of debate over white noise machines, if they are beneficial for your child or not, but we love them! Especially while your baby is still sleeping in your room! We placed it right under her bed and at the highest volume.

3. Pacifiers- I was totally against pacifiers when Emery was first born. "She doesn't need them." I told the nurses. "She's fine. It will cause nipple confusion and she won't breastfeed!!" Flash forward to my third night at home with her at 3am and she's screaming bloody murder >> I popped a pacifier in her mouth and it was done with. Instantly stopped crying, instantly went to sleep. Pacifier boycott over.  (She's slept with one ever since.) I recommend registering for a few different kinds, since you never know which one's your baby will like!

4. Boppy- LIFE SAVER. Especially for middle of the night feedings! Emery doesn't have to have it now, but I still use it most feedings so I can have my hands free!

5. Rock and Play- My sister-in-law was the one who gave me the heads up about this- absolutely awesome! I can't tell you how many times Emery would start to stir in the night and I just reached over and rocked her back to sleep! Super awesome! Emery still sleeps in hers even though we've moved her into her room.

6. Video Monitor- Seriously one of the best inventions, ever. I registered for the same one that the family I nannied for used, just because I was already familiar with it! It has some bad reviews online, but I haven't had any problems with it. It also allows you to purchase a second camera by itself, so you can have two cameras and only one monitor. (Ya know, for when baby #2 shows up!)

7. Gas Drops and Gripe Water- Yes, you'll need both. Just trust me, okay? Gripe Water works great for excessive crying, upset tummy, hiccups, and just plain irritability! It's usually my go to if I've tried everything and she's still upset. (I feel okay to give it to her in those situations because it's all natural - not medicine.) However, when your baby is SCREECHING and pulling her legs up in pain, you'll want Gas Drops. Emery had her first dose at 1.5 weeks old after I ate lasagna for three meals in a row and apparently did a work on her belly! Seeing her have instant relief calmed this new mama's heart. (Tip: Gas Drops help to make big bubbles into little bubbles, so after you give them to your baby, try to burp her or lay her on her back and bicycle her legs until she works some toots out!)

8. Gowns- (Yes for boys, too!) Picture this: it's 2:14 am. You've been asleep for 27 minutes. Total. The whole night. And you are awoken by a crying baby. And then: the smell. Yes, your sweet child has done pooped herself. (The bright side is she'll probably sleep better now.) So you roll out of bed, fumble around for a diaper and wipes, and then pick up your baby and try to unsnap three very small snaps in the light of the moon. Yeah, forget that. Gowns make it at least 5x easier for a zombie to change a diaper. (The zombie is you, if you didn't catch that.)

9. Young Living Peace and Calming Essential Oils- Okay, so you can't register for this. But I guarantee you that you know somebody who sells Young Living. (Actually I sell it, so... yeah.) My friend Melissa signed up to bring us dinner when Emery was brand new and she also brought along some samples of Peace and Calming Oil. I let those little samples sit under a pile of mail until one night I was so fried and desperately wanted some good sleep, and I remembered them! I put just a little on Emery's chest and bottom of her feet that night after her bath, and I kid you not she slept for 6 hours that night. I woke up at 5am in PANIC mode. But she was just fine, snoozing away like a little hippie baby wearing her essential oils! From that night (She was 5 weeks old) on we have put it on her after her bath. It's sorta like my best friend.



Well, there ya go! What were your favorite items for those first couple months of pure survival mode?

You Think You Know...

Remember that show on MTV back in the day called "Diary"? It would follow celebrities around to give you a look inside their life? Well, the opening credits said, "You think you know, but you have NO idea."

That little saying was on repeat in my frazzled head the first month of Emery's life. It was 3 am, and Emery had been asleep for 2.5 seconds. Okay, it was more like an hour, but it felt like 2.5 seconds.

Before I had Emery, I honestly thought I knew what being a mom would be like. I kept telling myself, "I'm going to be really tired. That's okay, there's coffee for that." LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. Coffee doesn't mean (insert your profanity of choice) at 3am. Or at 1am. Or at 6:42am when your husband's alarm is about to go off and you haven't slept more than 2 hours.

Transitioning into being a parent is much, much more than just "being tired". First off, you aren't just "tired". You are exhausted. More exhausted than you have ever been in your entire life. Don't try to fight me on this. You are more tired than that all-night lock-in at the local rec center in 6th grade. More tired than that night you stayed up with your dog barfing until 3am. More tired than the time you drank a Redbull too close to bedtime and you were up until 6 and then had to get up for work at 7. And here's why- after all of those times, eventually, you got to sleep for more than 8 hours. When you have a sweet, precious little infant, that doesn't happen. For months. Seriously.

"But, Haley, just sleep when the baby sleeps! You'll be fine!" NO. Sleeping when the baby sleeps, sometimes, just flat out doesn't happen. Because you have to eat, go to the bathroom, and Lord willing TAKE A SHOWER. Oh, and the dog has to be let out, and the laundry has to be done, and grocery shopping and vacuuming and dinner prep and bills and work and honestly, sometimes I just want to watch the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and the only time to do it is when she's sleeping.

And then, there's the crying. Emery didn't even have Colic and I wanted to pull my hair out over how often she cried. Here's the thing you have to learn: sometimes babies just cry. For no reason. Sweet, huh? Think you're having a hard time adjusting to having a kid? Babies are adjusting, too. Their little tummies are figuring out how to work and they're learning to live life on the outside and breathe air!

This one time, I begged Josh to just hold our screaming child long enough for me to pluck my eyebrows. Priorities, people.

Also, I knew babies smelled bad, but I was not expecting how bad I would smell. I have now gotten used to the stench of motherhood- it's either spit up or spoiled milk, and did anyone else have to buy a stronger deodorant after having a kid? I don't know if it's hormones or what, but my B.O. is out of control ever since I had Emery - maybe it's because there are days I legitimately cannot remember the last time I took a shower? Also, GROSS ALERT- somedays Josh will call that he's on his way home from work and I realized I haven't even brushed my teeth that day. Sick.

All this "complaining" to say, being a mom is hard. And I know you've probably heard this before, but it's SO WORTH IT. It's hard to grasp that when you just got poop all over you and your kid won't breastfeed and all you want to do is cry. (I swear I don't know who cried more in Emery's first month- me or her.) But then, miraculously, they start sleeping through the night. And when you go in their room in the morning, you're greeted with a smile. A sweet, drooling, gummy little smile because she knows who you are. And that makes it all okay. Until you pick her up and she spits up down the front of your shirt.

So I've learned to laugh at a lot of it. And I've reached out to other moms about the hard things, and I'm realizing that we've got to stick together! United we stand, mom's. UNITED. WE. STAND. Dramatic, much? It's okay to admit that somedays, being a mom sucks. It just does. And it's okay to say that. It doesn't make you a bad mom, or wife, or person. It makes you real. Nobody is perfect and that's okay. Let's laugh together. Let's pray for each other. Let's tell each other the gross stories. About the times when you stick your kid in the crib for "play time" when really it's just "give Mom a break time".

Let's just be real. 

New Mommy Survival List (Mommy Edition)

I just wanted to share a few of my favorite things...

-Target nursing tanks. Seriously, I live in them. I only had one to start with, and I would literally sit around naked while it was in the washing machine. So great for middle of the night feedings, and super comfortable! Plus, you can wear it under your "real" clothes and it doubles as a bra/camisole!

-Netflix!! I love it!! Josh and I cancelled our TV while I was pregnant, and got Netflix instead. Way cheaper! :) It has been my saving grace, especially while nursing. They also have an app, so I can watch it wherever I am while I'm nursing! So far, (this includes while I was pregnant) I've watched:

Sherlock
Once Upon A Time
Friday Night Lights
Hart of Dixie
Rules of Engagement
Dawson's Creek
The Baby-Sitter's Club
Alias
Grey's Anatomy

So, yeah, like I said, I love Netflix.

-Two Dots. If you haven't heard of it, let me tell you. It is a free, VERY addicting game. Another super awesome pastime for those middle of the night feedings.

-Yogurt and protein bars. Easy to grab, easy to eat!

-Iced coffee. BLESS YOU. Between the Texas heat and hormonal hot flashes, I just can't handle hot coffee! I started brewing coffee at night, and then refrigerating it overnight in a half gallon jug. (By the way, if you are brewing for iced coffee, double the amount of grounds so ice/creamer doesn't water it down. Thanks for that tip, Stephanie!)

-A helpful husband. I don't want to make you gag, but my husband is AMAZING. I am so, so thankful for him. He is so hands on with Emery. Never hesitant to change a diaper or get up in the night to shush her back to sleep.

What Have I Done?? (A Reflection on Emery's First Three Weeks)

You could've asked me from the time I could talk up until Emery was born what "I wanted to be when I grew up" and the answer would be the same: a mom. (Except the short span around age 8 when I wanted to be a waitress.) I could hold a baby on my hip with ease around age 6. By age 11 I was babysitting. In high school I got in huge arguments with my teachers because I could care less about college tours and scholarships. I wanted to graduate, get married, and have babies. I worked summers at Hume in the nursery and day camp. I've nannied for countless families for kids of all ages. Babies didn't scare me. Taking care of kiddos came easy to me. I loved rocking babies to sleep, changing diapers, fixing meals, driving the carpool, wiping noses. I was the girl that walked into my friends house and demanded they take a shower or a nap while I took the screaming baby. Because of all of this, I expected to transition into motherhood with ease.

I was wrong.

We spent almost a week in the hospital because of my C-Section and Emery's jaundice. The whole time we were there I was so excited for people to come visit! The first night home from the hospital with Emery was a breeze. She slept until almost 4:00am, and went right back to sleep after I fed her. I woke up and started my day with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. I was living the dream. MY dream. All I'd ever wanted. My mom offered to spend the night since my dad was out of town. Sure, I thought! That will be fun. We can just talk about how precious my baby is while Mom helps with dishes and laundry. That night Emery slept in our room again and I woke up feeling awesome. Tired, but awesome. And then my mom left. And then, my hormones went BERSERK. And I followed shortly after. I couldn't even look at Emery without crying. I cringed when she cried. Had no interest in holding her. The cute outfits and bows didn't help. All I could think about was, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I texted my mom not even 2 hours after she left and asked when she was coming back. She told me she'd call me in a bit. My sister-in-law Nicole came over and plucked my eyebrows. Halfway through, my mom called. I ran to my closet and sat on my birthing ball (a place that has become quite popular for my emotional meltdowns) and screamed into the phone that I absolutely cannot do this and I need her to come back and why in the world did the Lord let me have a baby because I am certainly NOT cut out for this. She said she'd head right over. God bless that woman. I walked back into the living room, and while Nicole started on my right eyebrow, our best friends Austin and Stephanie walked in. I tried to small talk. I tried to act normal. I tried to smile. I tried to agree when everybody talked about how cute Emery was. Shortly after my mom arrived and I tried to pretend it was her idea to come back. It was too much. I needed an escape. I decided to take a shower, just to be alone. I bawled the whole time. I was on the sitting on the toilet naked when Josh popped his head in and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I burst into tears. God bless that man. He started to console me and then said, "Do you want me to get your mom?" I responded with snot all over my face, "YES." And then I asked him to kick our friends out. I'm the worst. He's the best. My mom came in and then I started what might be the lowest point of my life. Hugging my mom, naked, sitting on the toilet, crying. The lowest of low.

And that was my life until Emery was 3 weeks old. I cried everyday. All day. I had no appetite. My mom would bring me snacks and meals and I would try my best to gag them down. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't answer my phone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. If I did, it was over text so I could cry without the person knowing. People who had so graciously signed up to bring us dinner showed up with huge smiles and open arms and I thanked them shortly and didn't even get up off the couch. (Sorry people who brought meals week 1-3!) It was all I could do to keep myself together until they walked out the door. And then I cried again. We tried to have our friends over a few times, and it always ended with me crying in the bathroom. My sister-in-law Heather tried her best to reassure me that it was okay to lock myself in my room while my mom held my screaming child in the other room. Which I did, a lot. And I barely even felt bad about it. I held my mom hostage the first week Josh went back to work. I cried if I even THOUGHT about her leaving. She was amazing. Constantly telling me that I wasn't crazy. That the hormones were normal. That it would go away. That I would feel better. Her last day here we went over to her house for the day, and then Josh picked me and Emery up to take us home. Mom didn't come with us because Josh would be home for the weekend. I cried the entire ride home. Josh was amazing. Never hesitating to change a diaper or get up in the middle of the night to rock her back to sleep. I apologized daily (sometimes hourly) for being such a crazy person. Even when I knew I was acting crazy, I couldn't control it. Which made me feel crazier.

And then, the day Emery turned 3 weeks old, I woke up, looked at her, and fell in love. I remember saying, "Josh! I really like her!" It was a miracle. At least to me, ha ha! It was like a switch flipped. Her crying didn't bother me, I wanted to dress her up and take her out! I started posting a million pictures and my tweets got a little more uplifting. We could have friends over and I actually had a good time. I felt like myself again.

I didn't write this blog to complain, or freak all the first-time-pregnant moms out. I wanted to write about it because I don't feel like anyone does. Sure, you hear about it changing your whole life, and being super tired, and having "mom brain", but I've rarely heard or read about women experiencing the craziness that is Baby Blues. I want to get the word out there- that you AREN'T crazy. And that it IS normal.

So please, if you just had a baby and you're wondering where all those warm fuzzy feelings are, just know, they're hiding. But they will come out. Eventually. 

PS: Just so you know, there are different levels of Baby Blues, some worse and some better than mine. Also, not every mom experiences it, so if it didn't happen to you, please ignore this blog. :)

The Birth of Emery Kate

In the week leading up to the night my water broke, I checked almost everything off my pre-Emery to-do list. We finished our birthing classes, Josh bought me a "push present", I got a pedicure, colored my hair, packed my bag, and installed the carseat. Did we will it to happen early?? On Tuesday, I had my 38 week appointment with my midwife, Michele, where I told her I was having period-like cramps and watery discharge, but nothing too exciting. She laughed, "Maybe next week's appointment will be a postpartum check up!" Wednesday, my doula, Whitni, texted me and told me that this weekend Josh and I should try to have a nice date day together because she felt like it might be the last weekend that we were kid free. On Thursday I talked to my mom back and forth all day about whether or not she should leave to go on her trip to California the next day. I teased her and told her there was no way to know when Emery was coming, that it could even be four more weeks! She kept telling me that she could stay home but I felt bad telling her to stay with the possibility of nothing happening. When she landed in California she let me know, and (jokingly) I told her my water had broken 30 minutes ago, followed by a, "JUST KIDDING!".

The last prego pic! 38 weeks

That night my water broke at 2:10am. 11 days before my due date.

My entire pregnancy I expected to go past my due date, since I was told most first time moms do! But not me! I got the typical middle-of-the-night, wake up your husband, fumble to the bathroom while a trail of goo follows behind you, movie style "My water just broke!" water-breaking story. 

I texted my midwife and doula, who both told me to go back to sleep! I also had to text my mom, and add a "for real!" to the end of it so she knew I wasn't just teasing her again. She jumped up and starting looking at flights back here. As I was sitting on the toilet (freaking out) I could hear Josh fumbling around so I asked him what he was doing. He responded, "Getting ready!!!" He had gotten fully dressed. It was so cute. I told him they had instructed me to try to get some more sleep, so we both laid back down. At 4am, I had another gush of water, just as big as before. So I was up again to change into dry clothes. Finally at 5:00 we decided we couldn't sleep so we both took showers. I blow dried my hair and started letting a few other people know.

A little later Josh ran to get us some Jamba Juice, and around 9:30 my doula showed up. We went for a walk, chilled in the living room (talking about the Kardashians), chilled in the bedroom, I put on make-up, Gma came over and then Mom arrived around 12:30. Mom let me know that my dad was on the next flight home! (He arrived around 7pm) That's when the contractions starting getting really intense. I kept apologizing for being a drama queen, and didn't want to say what my pain level was when Whitni asked because I was nervous I was being a wuss! Josh and Whitni were an amazing team and I would highly, HIGHLY recommend a doula. (after it was all over Josh said, "We have to pay Whitni more than we agreed on, she was amazing!")

I labored at home until 3:30, and then we called Michele and headed to the birthing center! (Gentle Beginnings Birth Center) I'll try to spare you the knitty gritty details- but from that point until 2:30 am Sunday morning, I labored. I never screamed, never thought I couldn't do it. (The peace of the Lord, no doubt.) At one point I remember thinking (and saying) how empowered I felt! It's an amazing thing bringing (at least trying to bring) a person into the world. I threw up a couple times into those handy dandy barf bags. The last time I threw up it was just Josh and Whitni in the room and they couldn't find the bags, so they grabbed a trash can and I puked my guts up. We later found out that was the laundry bin. Whoops!

Then around 9:20pm I started to push. And I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. Every position known to man. Or woman. On the toilet, on my back, on my side, on all fours, in the birthing tub, on the bed, standing up, squatting. A woman came in after me and not too long after I heard the cries of a newborn baby. I kept asking, "She's going to come out, right?" "When do you think she's going to come out?" I remember joking about having a "Star Wars baby" (May 4th) but saying, surely not! She's definitely coming before midnight! The handheld mirror was pulled out at some point, so I could see the progress I was making. I still can't decide if it was beneficial or not. It was almost frustrating to be able to see her head and still not get her out. Somewhere around 1:00am I could feel myself losing power. I realized I was falling asleep in-between pushes when the feeling of Michele checking Emery's heart rate woke me up! I was also hallucinating/dreaming that the walls were wiggling. No good. 

Hate this pic of me, but love that you can see my whole birth team!

The last time I walked back from the bathroom (I found pushing on the toilet was the easiest) to birthing room, I was exhausted. Michele let me know that I had been pushing for about four hours and it might be time to start considering other options, especially because Emery was posterior. As soon as she said that I was relieved. She said I could either try to lay down and sleep, then try pushing again, or head to the hospital. I knew there was no way I could sleep with the contractions coming so frequently and so strong, so we started discussing making our way to the hospital. I remember looking into Josh's eyes, both of us weepy, trying to decide what to do. We don't have Maternity Insurance, so we knew making the decision to go could put us in financial jeopardy, but in the end decided it was the best decision for Emery and me. 

Is everybody hanging out without me? YES. 

And with that, we starting packing and loading up! I remember Dad telling everybody in the parking lot, "Pray, pray, pray!" We had quite the caravan that night. Josh, Whitni, and I in our car, Mom, Dad, and Gma in another, Bethany in hers, Stephanie in hers, Nicole in hers, and Michele leading the way! Let me tell you, a 30 minute drive with a baby's head in-between your legs is not comfortable. I felt every. little. bump. In case you were wondering. :) I kept saying "epidural" over and over in my head. Even though I've never had one I knew it would feel good! That car ride was silent - except for my deep breathing and once when I put my hand on Josh's leg and said, "Can you drive a little faster, please?" We arrived at the hospital and somehow I got out of the car and into the wheelchair. Sitting in the wheelchair was just as bad as sitting in the car. We made our way to the Labor and Delivery floor where I was met by the hospital's midwives. 

I was given some kind of pain medicine and crawled into the hospital bed. They kept asking me questions and I vividly remember just not responding. Hey, at that point I had been up for 24 hours, I deserved to be a little bratty- right?? ;) Then came the epidural. That dear, sweet epidural. Getting it was not that fun, as they kept telling me to stay really still WHILE I was still contracting! I also dozed off in the process. When I was finally able to lay down, they let us know they were going to let Josh and I sleep for a few hours and then we'd see what steps needed to be taken. They didn't have to tell me twice. I slept hard even with the nurses constantly checking me and Emery. Around 8:30 they came in and we talked. The hospital midwife gave me two options: either let them give me Pitocin and try to push some more, or have a C-Section. She said she would recommend the C-Section only because she looked at my chart and saw that I had pushed in every position and she still wouldn't come out. We ended up deciding to do a C-Section after a very tearful conversation.

See Michele holding my hand? :)

I expected the C-Section to be very pleasant, because of all the scheduled ones you hear about celebrities getting. I guess it would have been a little better if I hadn't been in labor for 30 hours and she wasn't so far down. To say I felt "tugging" would be an understatement. I could feel every move the doctor made, including the pull of the blade. Ick. I was so thankful that they allowed Josh, my midwife Michele, and Bethany (and her camera) to be in the OR. I remember laying there, crying, saying "ow, ow, ow" over and over. I know it wasn't a very long surgery, but it felt like F O R E V E R before Emery made her appearance. And then, out she was! She was LOUD! I looked at Josh and he said, "That's our baby girl!"And we both cried. I heard them say "9:12" (time of birth) and thought that was the weight! I looked at Michele and said 9-12?! :) They sort of held her around the curtain so I could see, and then Josh went with them to clean her up. Michele stayed and held my hand and I'll be forever grateful for that. Midwives are the best.

Emery Kate Barton

May 4, 2014 9:12 am

8 lbs 13 oz

20.5 in

They brought her over for me to hold her, but it was so awkward and uncomfortable because she was practically on my neck! I couldn't even see her face and I was so, so exhausted I was dozing in and out of sleep. Michele leaned over and asked if I wanted Josh to hold her again and I nodded yes. I was so thankful she was there. When Josh walked away to be with Emery, Michele was telling me everything the doctors were doing. It was very reassuring. :) Then they put me back on the bed, handed me that tiny little bundle and pushed me down the hall. (Not before we somehow set off the security bracelets and guards came running in the OR asking where the baby was. Whoops.)

In the end, I felt like I had failed - not being able to get her out. I was quickly reassured by my midwife and the doctor that did my C-Section that it was because Emery was posterior, and that I can most definitely have (try) a VBAC! That was reassuring.





And that's the (very long) story of how Emery came into our lives. 


PS: I cannot thank my birth team enough. They were amazing. Michele, Malloree, Whitni, and Ann: you guys blow me away. Thank you for all that you do. I considered myself very lucky to have ALL of you by my side.

PSS: Bethany, you are a rock star. She hung out all night and took all these pictures. PREGNANT. Kudos for not throwing up after seeing my insides on my outsides.