That little saying was on repeat in my frazzled head the first month of Emery's life. It was 3 am, and Emery had been asleep for 2.5 seconds. Okay, it was more like an hour, but it felt like 2.5 seconds.
Before I had Emery, I honestly thought I knew what being a mom would be like. I kept telling myself, "I'm going to be really tired. That's okay, there's coffee for that." LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. Coffee doesn't mean (insert your profanity of choice) at 3am. Or at 1am. Or at 6:42am when your husband's alarm is about to go off and you haven't slept more than 2 hours.
Transitioning into being a parent is much, much more than just "being tired". First off, you aren't just "tired". You are exhausted. More exhausted than you have ever been in your entire life. Don't try to fight me on this. You are more tired than that all-night lock-in at the local rec center in 6th grade. More tired than that night you stayed up with your dog barfing until 3am. More tired than the time you drank a Redbull too close to bedtime and you were up until 6 and then had to get up for work at 7. And here's why- after all of those times, eventually, you got to sleep for more than 8 hours. When you have a sweet, precious little infant, that doesn't happen. For months. Seriously.
"But, Haley, just sleep when the baby sleeps! You'll be fine!" NO. Sleeping when the baby sleeps, sometimes, just flat out doesn't happen. Because you have to eat, go to the bathroom, and Lord willing TAKE A SHOWER. Oh, and the dog has to be let out, and the laundry has to be done, and grocery shopping and vacuuming and dinner prep and bills and work and honestly, sometimes I just want to watch the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and the only time to do it is when she's sleeping.
And then, there's the crying. Emery didn't even have Colic and I wanted to pull my hair out over how often she cried. Here's the thing you have to learn: sometimes babies just cry. For no reason. Sweet, huh? Think you're having a hard time adjusting to having a kid? Babies are adjusting, too. Their little tummies are figuring out how to work and they're learning to live life on the outside and breathe air!
Also, I knew babies smelled bad, but I was not expecting how bad I would smell. I have now gotten used to the stench of motherhood- it's either spit up or spoiled milk, and did anyone else have to buy a stronger deodorant after having a kid? I don't know if it's hormones or what, but my B.O. is out of control ever since I had Emery - maybe it's because there are days I legitimately cannot remember the last time I took a shower? Also, GROSS ALERT- somedays Josh will call that he's on his way home from work and I realized I haven't even brushed my teeth that day. Sick.
All this "complaining" to say, being a mom is hard. And I know you've probably heard this before, but it's SO WORTH IT. It's hard to grasp that when you just got poop all over you and your kid won't breastfeed and all you want to do is cry. (I swear I don't know who cried more in Emery's first month- me or her.) But then, miraculously, they start sleeping through the night. And when you go in their room in the morning, you're greeted with a smile. A sweet, drooling, gummy little smile because she knows who you are. And that makes it all okay. Until you pick her up and she spits up down the front of your shirt.
So I've learned to laugh at a lot of it. And I've reached out to other moms about the hard things, and I'm realizing that we've got to stick together! United we stand, mom's. UNITED. WE. STAND. Dramatic, much? It's okay to admit that somedays, being a mom sucks. It just does. And it's okay to say that. It doesn't make you a bad mom, or wife, or person. It makes you real. Nobody is perfect and that's okay. Let's laugh together. Let's pray for each other. Let's tell each other the gross stories. About the times when you stick your kid in the crib for "play time" when really it's just "give Mom a break time".
Let's just be real.
hahaha! and then one day you think "hey I'm getting the hang of this, I think I can do this, I love doing this, *run upstairs to vomit* this is a piece of cake, *vomits again* when was my last period? " Hello baby #2.
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